Guilt
by abandon.me297
Summary: Light hears someone crying when getting a drink the other night and has suspicons it may be L. He confronts him the following night about it. Light x L. L Uke. Light Seme. Kinda sugar coated, in my opinion. YAOI


Light lay down on his bed, uncomfortably shifting about. How much longer until he was certain everyone else was sleep? Not much longer, he preyed. He sighed, reminding himself to be patient. The events of last night replaying in his mind like a movie that was made just to torture him; the sorrowful crying. Who had been crying? Why were they crying? Light looked away, saddened by his thoughts. He never really liked to see much people cry, it always brightened his day to see a smile.

L. Had he been the one shedding those silent tears? But the detective never showed emotions.

Light rolled his caramel eyes. What did he care? L was supposed to be dead, stupid Shinigami had failed him in killing him, so the only one who had died was his handler, Watari. When Light thought about it, it would actually make more sense; he did hear the sniffling and whimpering the night Watari died. Light's mind was raided with guilt. Why did he feel so bad? L was _supposed_ to be dead, why did he feel so remorseful for thinking the detective had been crying?

Light's shoulders slumped and he felt tears prickle his eye. He quickly swiped at it.

Don't be so weak… he thought to himself. You don't feel bad for making L cry, you're not even sure if it was even L crying.

Light swung his legs over the side of his bed. He was certain everyone had fallen in a deep sleep and would not be disturbed by his absence.

Light asked himself questions? Why did L always insist on staying up while everyone went to sleep? He knew he was rather insomniac-like, but still. L hardly ever slept, and when he did, it was by himself in the same armchair he sat in.

Light crept around the task-force on tip-toes, being careful to not disrupt anyone's slumber, the blackness of night impairing his vision, but not enough to totally blind the male. Once Light had reached where L stayed, the room was as dark as the rest of the Task Force, and a small, feeble sniff could be heard from L's arm chair. Light perked up. So it was L that had been making those heavy-hearted sounds. Light abandoned all stealth and walked up to L cautiously.

"Ryuzaki?" he asked, referring him to the alias under his instructions.

"Yes?" L replied calmly, no hints of gloom in his soft voice.

Light sat down on a couch across from the pale detective. "I heard someone crying the other night, and I was wondering if you might know who it was."

Light saw L's shoulders shrug in the moon light, further proof he had been crying.

Light scanned the male up and down, his charcoal eyes cast on a distant object, seeming to be lost in something, something gloomy. His spiked, raven hair framing his porcelain face. Light felt his spirits lower, seeing the detective with such a far away look on his face made him feel guilty, and all Light could do was wish the guilt would leave him alone like it always did, he had no problems with killing criminals, he certainly had no problems with killing anyone for that matter, why couldn't he forget about this?

L looked at Light, his dark eyes regressing to their impassive state, had L noticed Light staring at him? Had he observed Light's gaze on him, how Light was studying his features so closely and detecting the hint of melancholy on his features and went back to being without emotion?

"Listen," Light began. "I only want to know who was crying so I can cheer them up; they sounded so sad, so… alone."

L looked away from Light and shrugged again. "I don't know who it is, Light-kun."

He saw a shimmering tear of proof streak down L's soft skin and smiled. He was right.

"What's wrong, Ryuzaki?" Light asked comfortingly.

"Nothing," L responded stubbornly.

"L," Light started, using his real name to show the other male he was being serious about this. "don't tell me nothing is wrong, this has to be serious; you never cry."

"You can't say that for certain," L whispered. "I do not see how it is any of your concern about my emotional well-being, Kira."

Light froze, that feeling of regret creeping back up on him.

"L, I'm not Kira," Light insisted.

"I'm sorry…" L said after an uncomfortable pause. "it's just… you're the first friend I've ever had and I do not know how to deal with this kind of thing well… showing emotions in front of someone…"

"Hadn't you shown emotions in front of Watari?" Light asked.

L looked down, his face being drowned in shadows.

Damnit. Light cursed himself. Wrong choice of words.

"Please, just tell me what's wrong," he begged.

L shook his head. "It's okay, Light-kun, I'm perfectly fine."

Light grabbed L by the shoulders, making their eyes meet. Another tear flowed down L's face.

"Just tell me what's bothering you…" Light whispered.

"Well…" L gave in "it's just that… I'm lonely."

"Lonely?" Light repeated. "What do you mean?"

"Watari was all I had left… the only one that could understand me, just by seeing my facial features, the only one I had room for on my heart, and he's no longer with me," L explained, trying to keep his voice steady. "everyday I prey that he's in a better place, that he's happy where he is."

Lonely… Light thought with the unfortunate realization that it had been his fault for the detective's sorrow.

"But, you always seemed happy," Light whispered to him.

"I know I did, I just didn't want anyone to worry about me," L explained. "the fact that you see me here right now, the fact that I am explaining all of this to you is bad enough."

Light felt tears sting his eyes. Why wouldn't that terrible feeling of regret go away? It washed over him, leaving him with horrible feelings of remorse and guilt. Did Light care for L? Did he feel pain, when he felt pain?

"But Light-kun, it's okay…" L said with a small smile. "I'm fine."

His smile faded and transitioned into a quivering frown, and Light knew that L was everything opposed to okay.

"L," Light soothed. "you have to talk to people about this…"

"Talk to whom, Yagami-kun? I have no one left to talk to, and with that one person here, there is nothing to talk about," L replied.

Damnit… Light thought. He closed his eyes. L sure was doing a good job of making him feel bad. He had but one choice left.

Light quickly wrapped his arms around L's body and he felt the man tense with surprise. Now that he thought about it, he was sure L would be lonely. Watari was the only one who knew his real name, his face. But then again, it was L's choice; to be alone. Maybe something had happened to him, to make him feel like he couldn't reach out for the aid of someone. What had driven the detective to think he was all alone? He was orphaned at a young age… if only Light knew more about him; he might be able to figure it out. But Light knew nothing about L's past, nothing to help him figure out what had made him feel so empty inside.

Light was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't even notice L slink his arms around his neck and sigh shakily.

"Light-kun…" he whispered hoarsely.

"Yes?" Light asked.

"I'm sorry…"

"For what?" Light questioned, confused by the sudden apology.

"Making you worry…" L sniffed.

Light sighed. "Ryuzaki, stop apologizing, it isn't your fault."

L buried his face in the crook of Light's neck and Light felt a tear soak into his shirt. He wrapped his arms protectively around Light and silently cried. Light felt relaxed, holding L, sharing this first moment with him, it was like heaven. He felt more tears soak his shirt, but he didn't mind, he would let the detective cry, as long as it meant seeing the usual impassive look on his face again, he would do anything.

"L?" Light asked.

L pulled away and looked into Light's eyes. "Yes?"

"Instead of sleeping here by yourself, do you want to come and sleep with me?" Light questioned softly.

Light saw L's eyes light up with surprise and he gave him a tiny smile and a nod of his head.

"And L?" Light asked again.

"Yes?"

"Please don't cry anymore…"

L paused. "Okay…"

"Thank you."

Light looked L in his lifeless, grey eyes. He smiled and firmly pressed his lips against L's, feeling the older male tense up with shock again, but more quickly was at ease as he returned the kiss with red cheeks.

"I love you…" Light whispered.

"I… love you… too…" L replied, burying his face in Light's neck again. "I love you too."

**-xxxxx-**

**I made myself cry Damnit… FAIL!**

**Anyways, hope you likeded it :D**


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